All the time, I mean ALL the time, I hear moms talk about how tired they are. They got up, got their kid ready for school or daycare, went to work, went home, cooked/picked up dinner, helped their kid with homework, put their kid to bed (who probably put up a little bit of a fight,) then went to bed. Over the years, I have actually had people say to me, "Why are you tired? You don't have kids." What the hell. Seriously? Let me clue you in: kid-less people aren't vampires. We get tired and we sleep, just like you. I'm sorry I'm inferior to the restful bliss of staring into my eyelids in the dark and quiet.
We've had a pretty rough time trying to get Stella fully potty trained and acclimated to a daily routine. Yesterday, she woke me up at 6:00 a.m. SIX-O-CLOCK IN THE MORNING. ON THE DOT. ON SATURDAY. I was in the middle of a dead-ass sleep; you know, the kind where you wake up covered in drool and you're not sure where you are. I was so out of it that I looked at my phone and wondered why my alarm didn't go off because I thought it was a work day. Yes, that kind of sleep is what she pulled me out of. But sure enough, she had to potty, and I was thrilled that I didn't roll over on a wet spot in my bed or step in pee on the carpet. Needless to say, she has adjusted to the routine. Of course, that starts a domino effect, because once Stella is up, Stuart gets up, and the morning potty/feeding frenzy begins because EVERYTHING HAPPENS AT THE SAME TIME RIGHT NOW. Now, here's the difference between me and all you parents. I got to go back to sleep! Nanny, nanny, boo boo! The dogs with their full bellies curled back up in bed with me and we were back off to la-la-land with the Sandman for a few more hours. Zzzzzzzzzzzz.
I spent the afternoon at a Derby event, the Da'ville Classic Drumline Showcase...that ended up lasting for 4 hours, which was totally worth it. Fighting traffic and crowds downtown leaves a little to be desired, but coming home to a rainy night after all that excitement was enough to make me want to zonk out. But I didn't. I persevered and didn't succumb to the laziness!
Today, Stella so graciously waited until 7:15. I had gone to bed after midnight because I was so engrossed in reading Dave Ramsey's The Total Money Makeover - but that's another blog. This time, I did not go back to sleep. Instead, I started my Sunday routine of meal-planning and coupon-gathering and grocery-list-making. After I braved Wal-Mart (which wasn't too bad today,) I was able to come home and chillax for a bit before my friend's Simply Aroma party today. I stayed there for 4 hours shootin' the breeze, and came home for my nightly walk/jog. I'm kicking ass, by the way.
Tomorrow, I will wake up at 6:00 a.m., begin the dog potty/feeding frenzy, go to work, come home, scarf down dinner, go to Zumba, and finally settle in around 8:45 p.m., when I am able to FaceTime Phil for a little over an hour before I hit the hay. Stella will irritate Stuart because she wants to wrestle and aggravate the shit out of him before bed, so I will probably spend half an hour trying to get her to calm down and leave my poor little grumpy old man alone. I WILL BE TIRED.
The point of this was not to give you my daily itinerary. The point of this was to demonstrate that my life is non-stop, too. I do things without kids, I stay active, I work, I go places....all of which suck energy from me. I'm allowed to be sleepy without being a parent, because that's life.
Sunday, April 26, 2015
Monday, April 20, 2015
Body Talk
No, it's not Olivia Newton John, it's just little old me. I hadn't planned on posting tonight, but since when does my life go according to plan? Um, never.
This week is National Infertility Awareness Week, so I just thought I've give a little nod to my ladies who aren't given a choice on whether or not they can have kids.
I, for one, am a Fertile Myrtle. I could be Michelle Duggar if I really wanted to.....hey, I said if. I'm sure if she got wind of this blog, she'd think I'm just another Kentucky whack job who's had too much Mountain Dew. All I'd really need to do is remind her that she's from Arkansas. But I digress.
I can't recall specific dates, or times, or people, but there have been instances where I've heard the condescending version of "just think of all the women who can't have kids and want them so much." Yeah, I know. I have friends in that very position, and I believe the gift of surrogacy is one that demonstrates pure, unconditional, selfless love. But it's not a gift I can give. I would if I could, but there are too many factors and risks for me personally.
Some of you know that I was raised in a Southern Baptist home -- everything was the devil except God, basically. Sure, some elements of my faith remain, but this is one area that raises questions for me. If bearing children is woman's lot in life, if it's our solemn duty, why were some women created with the inability to bear them? If our sexual purpose is to procreate, then why can't everyone? Why are some men sterile? Why do women have PCOS and ovarian cancer and hysterectomies at young ages? Why are there hermaphrodites?
I'm not asking these questions to raise a "Religion vs. Science" debate, because honestly, I'm not well-versed in either subject to consider going there. I'm asking these questions because they relate to my cause. You see my point?
Children don't define women. They did a long time ago, and I believe it's still a fight for mothers to keep their own identity after they have children. They stop being "Robin" and start being "Stuart's Mom." People need to be aware of their surroundings. I hate the word "sensitive" because it implies that we have to walk on eggshells, which is the LAST thing we need in society, but we need to learn that women are okay for who they are, whether they have kids or not. Nobody knows the full story, ever.
This week is National Infertility Awareness Week, so I just thought I've give a little nod to my ladies who aren't given a choice on whether or not they can have kids.
I, for one, am a Fertile Myrtle. I could be Michelle Duggar if I really wanted to.....hey, I said if. I'm sure if she got wind of this blog, she'd think I'm just another Kentucky whack job who's had too much Mountain Dew. All I'd really need to do is remind her that she's from Arkansas. But I digress.
I can't recall specific dates, or times, or people, but there have been instances where I've heard the condescending version of "just think of all the women who can't have kids and want them so much." Yeah, I know. I have friends in that very position, and I believe the gift of surrogacy is one that demonstrates pure, unconditional, selfless love. But it's not a gift I can give. I would if I could, but there are too many factors and risks for me personally.
Some of you know that I was raised in a Southern Baptist home -- everything was the devil except God, basically. Sure, some elements of my faith remain, but this is one area that raises questions for me. If bearing children is woman's lot in life, if it's our solemn duty, why were some women created with the inability to bear them? If our sexual purpose is to procreate, then why can't everyone? Why are some men sterile? Why do women have PCOS and ovarian cancer and hysterectomies at young ages? Why are there hermaphrodites?
I'm not asking these questions to raise a "Religion vs. Science" debate, because honestly, I'm not well-versed in either subject to consider going there. I'm asking these questions because they relate to my cause. You see my point?
Children don't define women. They did a long time ago, and I believe it's still a fight for mothers to keep their own identity after they have children. They stop being "Robin" and start being "Stuart's Mom." People need to be aware of their surroundings. I hate the word "sensitive" because it implies that we have to walk on eggshells, which is the LAST thing we need in society, but we need to learn that women are okay for who they are, whether they have kids or not. Nobody knows the full story, ever.
Thursday, April 16, 2015
I'm a Cash Crop
I had an intriguing thought the other day. At work, we were discussing YMCA memberships and the costs involved with them. One of the girls mentioned something about a discount for an After School program, or maybe another kid's program...I can't remember the details. I just know it had to do with kids. It occurred to me that I would never be able to reap those benefits because I don't have any kids. As far as businesses are concerned, people like me don't need to save money. Well, on contraire, bonjour.
Let me break it down for you a little bit. In case you want to check my facts, I'll post the links to the info I put here. A full family membership to any Kentuckiana YMCA with access to Calypso Cove Family Water Park is $89/month. I used a family of 4, because that's how Americans count, and divided that cost....it comes to $22.25/person. A plain ole adult membership is $55/month. Divide that by 1, and you get $55/person (I hope you got that answer, too.) THAT'S MORE THAN DOUBLE! For fewer people.
Info here: http://www.ymcalouisville.org/bullitt-county/membership.html
Let's talk Disney now. I found a vacation package for a family of 4, for 6 nights and 7 days, for $2,216. That is just under $80/person total.
Info: https://disneyworld.disney.go.com/plan/my-disney-experience/vacation-packages/
I found a similar package for 2 adults for $231/person/night. Make that 6 nights and 7 days, and your total comes to $2,772. That's over a $500 difference. For no kids. Disney, are you punishing me?
Info: http://www.reserveorlando.com/dp/disney-world-universal-vacation-packages
Another scenario: Verizon's Family Plan. 4 lines, 8GB of data, for $145/month. That's $36.25/person. I pay $100/month for myself for 3GB of data. That's triple the amount for just under 1/3 of the data.
Info: http://www.verizonwireless.com/landingpages/more-everything/
Granted, these are just examples, and I'm not a research scientist who has scrutinized every aspect of every piece of info. This is just a basic idea of what's going on.
Changing the subject: what about groceries? I have to buy the same size and quantity of food as all you families out there. I can't buy one half of a beef chuck roast, or a half-pound of ground beef. I always end up with way too much, and usually throw out about half of my rations, because I simply can't eat it all before it goes bad. I meal plan, and I coupon, and I ad-match, but I'm still stuck with a surplus, essentially throwing money away. I already have to budget for basic needs like oil changes and new sneakers.
No, I don't have to buy diapers, or formula, or baby Motrin, but I have two dogs that require food, medicine, and other maintenance items. My money is just as valuable as anyone's with kids, but I don't think the world sees it that way. I'm a cash crop.
Let me break it down for you a little bit. In case you want to check my facts, I'll post the links to the info I put here. A full family membership to any Kentuckiana YMCA with access to Calypso Cove Family Water Park is $89/month. I used a family of 4, because that's how Americans count, and divided that cost....it comes to $22.25/person. A plain ole adult membership is $55/month. Divide that by 1, and you get $55/person (I hope you got that answer, too.) THAT'S MORE THAN DOUBLE! For fewer people.
Info here: http://www.ymcalouisville.org/bullitt-county/membership.html
Let's talk Disney now. I found a vacation package for a family of 4, for 6 nights and 7 days, for $2,216. That is just under $80/person total.
Info: https://disneyworld.disney.go.com/plan/my-disney-experience/vacation-packages/
I found a similar package for 2 adults for $231/person/night. Make that 6 nights and 7 days, and your total comes to $2,772. That's over a $500 difference. For no kids. Disney, are you punishing me?
Info: http://www.reserveorlando.com/dp/disney-world-universal-vacation-packages
Another scenario: Verizon's Family Plan. 4 lines, 8GB of data, for $145/month. That's $36.25/person. I pay $100/month for myself for 3GB of data. That's triple the amount for just under 1/3 of the data.
Info: http://www.verizonwireless.com/landingpages/more-everything/
Granted, these are just examples, and I'm not a research scientist who has scrutinized every aspect of every piece of info. This is just a basic idea of what's going on.
Changing the subject: what about groceries? I have to buy the same size and quantity of food as all you families out there. I can't buy one half of a beef chuck roast, or a half-pound of ground beef. I always end up with way too much, and usually throw out about half of my rations, because I simply can't eat it all before it goes bad. I meal plan, and I coupon, and I ad-match, but I'm still stuck with a surplus, essentially throwing money away. I already have to budget for basic needs like oil changes and new sneakers.
No, I don't have to buy diapers, or formula, or baby Motrin, but I have two dogs that require food, medicine, and other maintenance items. My money is just as valuable as anyone's with kids, but I don't think the world sees it that way. I'm a cash crop.
Friday, April 10, 2015
Doctor's Orders
I was diagnosed with high blood pressure last summer, when I was 32 years old. From the get-go, she asked me if I planned on having kids any time soon. Even then, I told her I was about 95% sure that I wasn't. At first, I was a little confused about why she asked me that, but when she began to explain her train of thought for courses of treatment, it started to make a little sense. Long story short, I've had some adjustments in my medication, and now, almost a year later, we still don't have it quite right.
I had another follow-up today, and it was an eye-opening, and slightly emotional experience. Phil was with me, which I thought was nice because he got to see the process and talk with my doctor with me. Despite my recent lifestyle changes and significantly increased activity level, my BP is still not controlled. It was 135/90 today, which is not extraordinarily high, but high enough to be detrimental if not brought down over the long term. I listed the side effects I was experiencing, and my doctor was not thrilled, because I haven't had the greatest few months, to be honest.
As she contemplated her next treatment move, she looked me square in the eyes and said, "Kids. Do you want to have kids any time soon?" It was a pivotal moment for me because I knew that this was a determining factor in my treatment plan. It was almost cathartic, because for a brief second, it crossed my mind that I now have a valid, justifiable reason to tell people when they ask me why I don't have kids. What a relief. Now, I don't have to try and explain myself because my reason before was "just because I don't want to."
But, on the other hand, her question stopped me in my tracks, because I realized the permanence of my situation. She explained that she wants to change my medication from a beta-blocker to an ace-inhibitor, which is absolutely, 100% not okay to take if I become pregnant. She called it a "Category X" drug, which essentially means that it will kill a fetus. In the event that it doesn't, it could implement serious birth defects of the heart, kidneys, liver...and the baby could be carried full-term and be stillborn, or die shortly after birth. I mean, this is serious stuff. So serious that she also told me she would pair it with a birth control pill to ensure that pregnancy does not occur.
I absolutely do not want to risk any of that. What kind of person would I be to knowingly conceive and carry this human being inside of me, knowing that it will be damaged, and eventually die anyway? I've been through one miscarriage, so I certainly don't want to go through another.
A few months ago, I watched a documentary on Netflix called After Tiller. It followed these late-term abortion doctors and the women for whom they performed their services. The women who sought out these doctors were in late-term pregnancies with babies who had confirmed chronic or terminal illnesses or severe deformities or birth defects. It was a very compelling and heart-wrenching film, because it captured the utter anguish both the doctors and patients felt before, during, and after the procedures were done. I really felt compassion for those women, because I understood why they chose what they did. It would not be fair to the parents or that baby to bring that baby in to this cruel, cruel world and watch them suffer each and every day. Neither the parents nor the child would have any sort of quality of life, because their lives would be full of hospitals and medications and money and tubes and wheelchairs and fighting the system.....who wants that?
I have the utmost respect for anyone who works with or has special needs children, so please, understand that this is not ill-intentioned.
I have decided that I have too much life to live, and becoming pregnant with an illness like high blood pressure could be dangerous to me, as well. I have heard story after story of women's BP getting too high or too low during labor, and me having the condition would just make me more vulnerable to complications. Call me selfish - that's fine, because that's exactly what I am. I want to live as fully as I can for as long as I can, in a healthy and happy way.
I had another follow-up today, and it was an eye-opening, and slightly emotional experience. Phil was with me, which I thought was nice because he got to see the process and talk with my doctor with me. Despite my recent lifestyle changes and significantly increased activity level, my BP is still not controlled. It was 135/90 today, which is not extraordinarily high, but high enough to be detrimental if not brought down over the long term. I listed the side effects I was experiencing, and my doctor was not thrilled, because I haven't had the greatest few months, to be honest.
As she contemplated her next treatment move, she looked me square in the eyes and said, "Kids. Do you want to have kids any time soon?" It was a pivotal moment for me because I knew that this was a determining factor in my treatment plan. It was almost cathartic, because for a brief second, it crossed my mind that I now have a valid, justifiable reason to tell people when they ask me why I don't have kids. What a relief. Now, I don't have to try and explain myself because my reason before was "just because I don't want to."
But, on the other hand, her question stopped me in my tracks, because I realized the permanence of my situation. She explained that she wants to change my medication from a beta-blocker to an ace-inhibitor, which is absolutely, 100% not okay to take if I become pregnant. She called it a "Category X" drug, which essentially means that it will kill a fetus. In the event that it doesn't, it could implement serious birth defects of the heart, kidneys, liver...and the baby could be carried full-term and be stillborn, or die shortly after birth. I mean, this is serious stuff. So serious that she also told me she would pair it with a birth control pill to ensure that pregnancy does not occur.
I absolutely do not want to risk any of that. What kind of person would I be to knowingly conceive and carry this human being inside of me, knowing that it will be damaged, and eventually die anyway? I've been through one miscarriage, so I certainly don't want to go through another.
A few months ago, I watched a documentary on Netflix called After Tiller. It followed these late-term abortion doctors and the women for whom they performed their services. The women who sought out these doctors were in late-term pregnancies with babies who had confirmed chronic or terminal illnesses or severe deformities or birth defects. It was a very compelling and heart-wrenching film, because it captured the utter anguish both the doctors and patients felt before, during, and after the procedures were done. I really felt compassion for those women, because I understood why they chose what they did. It would not be fair to the parents or that baby to bring that baby in to this cruel, cruel world and watch them suffer each and every day. Neither the parents nor the child would have any sort of quality of life, because their lives would be full of hospitals and medications and money and tubes and wheelchairs and fighting the system.....who wants that?
I have the utmost respect for anyone who works with or has special needs children, so please, understand that this is not ill-intentioned.
I have decided that I have too much life to live, and becoming pregnant with an illness like high blood pressure could be dangerous to me, as well. I have heard story after story of women's BP getting too high or too low during labor, and me having the condition would just make me more vulnerable to complications. Call me selfish - that's fine, because that's exactly what I am. I want to live as fully as I can for as long as I can, in a healthy and happy way.
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