Disney Didn't Get My Paycheck

Disneyworld is my nightmare.  I can't think of anything worse than going to a "park" filled with hundreds of thousands of people to smell sweaty B.O. from the hot Florida sun and watching kids have meltdowns because Buzz Lightyear is scary in real life.  The problem is I'm a sucker for pretty things that sparkle, so my inner girly-girl would marvel at the sight of fireworks over the castle on a clear summer night.

Speaking of Disney, I went to see Cinderella over the weekend with my friend Sherie and her two girls (who were complete ANGELS, by the way!)  When I got to the theater, in the lobby was a gaggle of 6-year-olds all gathered for a birthday party and my first thought was, "Shit.  What was I thinking?!"  I immediately regretted not smuggling in a shot of liquor to ease the pain my ears would suffer from all the shrieking.  And kids need leashes.  There, I said it.  Keep your kids contained, people.  The last thing I want to do is play Frogger through the lobby to get to my theater. 

Before the movie, there was a Frozen short film.  Yippee.  I could hardly contain my excitement.  Frozen 2 is on its way to theaters, and I am in NO WAY obligated to go watch an imbecile dancing snowman with the name of a viking troll!  However, I'm sure my nieces will tell me all about it.

As for the movie, it was very well executed.  Costumes were AMAZING and the acting was very well done.  Helena Bonham Carter was an excellent Fairy Godmother, and she was the most kid-friendly part of the film.  Don't get me wrong, the movie isn't riddled with bad language or raunchy sex, but there are several adult themes carried throughout:  Ella deals with the loss of both her parents, her stepmother verbally and emotionally abuses her, and she's locked in an attic the whole time.  The Prince also deals with the death of his father, and faces running the kingdom before he's really ready to do it. So, my point is just because Disney slaps their name on a film doesn't automatically mean it should have a 'G' rating.  Use a little discretion.  I would rate it PG-13, and maybe that's me being somewhat of a Holden Caufield, but I don't want to have to answer questions my 6-year-old asks about parents dying.

Here's one reason I shouldn't be a parent:  I would be intrigued to see what Tim Burton or Rob Zombie would do with this story.  Can you imagine a dark, sinister version of this film?

Now, excuse me while I go watch Beauty and the Beast before bed.