Wow...it's been almost a year since I've written here. I left feeling uninspired, and thought there was little more to say, but I guess when it hits, it hits, right?
Most of the time I write - sometimes in jest, sometimes not - about the freedoms I have that parents don't have. It's also no secret that I'm constantly in the mode of soul-searching, and constantly trying to find what my course in life is/should be. Well, today, it donned on me that there is something parents have that I don't: a sense of purpose.
Parents, you are liberated from the torment of trying to figure out your purpose in life. You wake up every morning and go to bed every night with the fulfillment of having someone to care for; your responsibility is self-evident every time you see, hear, smell, or touch your child. You get to utilize your God-given ability to love and nurture a life. Every day.
Granted, I am quite aware of the sacrifices and trade-offs that come with that responsibility. I know there are times it's tough to cope with the noise, the sicknesses, the hard choices, the natural growing pains, both emotionally and physically. But you get to help them. You get to guide them. You get to shape them. You get to direct them. I don't get to do any of that.
Although I don't regret the choice I made to get divorced and move home almost 6 years ago, I can say with 1000% certainty that I lost my sense of purpose when I left teaching. Despite the hardships, the bureaucracy, the mental and emotional anguish I endured, my heart has never left the classroom. I think that's why I've jumped from job to job since I came back, because I've been so desperately seeking my new purpose. But I don't think there is a new one.
It's not often that I express envy for parents, because quite frankly, I don't want to be one. However, this is one facet of life that I lack, and although parenting definitely has its challenges, it certainly has its rewards.
